Gods hidden agenda

I had a recent medical scare that I have been debating on blogging about, not because of me but to share the uncommon ways God can use us.

About 3 months ago I had a really sore lymph node come up under my left arm.  I had recently had a sinus issues so I chalked it up to my body fighting off that virus.  Needless to say it continued to stay sore and at times throb.  I tried to put it out of my mind thinking it was all in my head but being in the medical field the worst always came to mind.  I finally gave in and decided to have it checked out, especially since my deductible had been met for the year.  She felt it and said she wanted to have it ultrasounded.  Of course all kinds of thoughts flooded my mind.  I kept repeating scripture in my head to try to control my emotions.  The ones I thought of the most were; "I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7" and "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:10-12 "

I dreaded the next days anticipating the worst but hoping for the best.  I took a lot of my fear and turned it into frustration, wrongfully attacking Chris.  Finally the night before I was sitting on the couch looking at the Christmas tree and said, "Lord I submit to your perfect will."  I felt a immense feeling of peace come over me. I knew regardless, everything was going to be okay.  I told God that whoever I met the next day during my ultrasound I would tell them about Him.

Chris went with me to the appointment after dropping the kids off.  I was called back by a young lady in her late 30's. She introduced herself and began asking questions about the lump. Somehow we got on the topic of what I did for a living and told her I was a physical therapist but now only worked PRN so I could stay at home and homeschool my children.  She was intrigued and stated she had wanted to homeschool her son but came down with a very deadly and aggressive cancer that took up a lot of her life.  She asked why I homeschool and I proceeded to tell her that my husband and I are Christians and that we want to develop the character of Christ in our children in all we do even in their education.  She lit up and said I am a christian too.  We talked about God and our child rearing beliefs for the next 45 minutes as she scanned my underarm and chest. I was at peace the whole time.

She finished and said that she would have the doctor read it before I left so that I could have some peace.  She returned with the report that all was normal.  I have 2 lymph nodes that are sore and most likely related to nursing.  My heart leaped for joy with the good news.  She told me to put my clothes on and then knock on the door to let her know I was done.  I was so moved by her that I just had to tell her what had transpired over the past few days and that I felt God put her there for me on this day. 

When she came back I proceeded to tell her how thankful I was for her and how I felt that God placed her there at her job on this day to provide me comfort.  She began to fight back tears and say that she had not felt the presence of God in a long time and thoughout our interaction she kept feeling Him touch her.  We both were fighting back tears and just reached out and began hugging one another.  She told me how she had a PET scan the week before and came to grips that if it was her time she was ready.  It all came back clear.  We praised God, the great physician, together.  I think we hugged 3 times before I left and she gave me her cell phone number.

I am still at awe of how mighty God is and how He works.  Was she there for me or was I there for her?  If I had not submitted to God and his leading me to speak of Him would she have experienced His presence that she so desperately needed? 

Being an instrument of God is not always fun and smiles.  He can use the most fearful moment of your life to not only touch you but to use you to touch someone else.  I am learning to listen a little more intently to God and His perfect will.  I am so thankful I did.  I was blessed beyond measure.

Creating New Memories

Chris had to go out of town last week for work and it was kind of last minute thing.  I had been sick with a cough and allergies and therefore not feeling like doing it alone, but did not have a choice.  Makenna asked if we could have a special night since daddy was gone. Sounded like a good idea to me. So we had bowls of popcorn for dinner and homemade lemonade.  We opened up a big blanket on the living room floor and ate picnic style while enjoying Veggie Tale movies. 

The kids wanted to sleep with me, which was fine give that I am a scaredy cat.  I double checked all the doors and made sure my guns were loaded. Really! I did not sleep all that well given my king size bed was somewhat crowded with two very wild sleeping children.  On top of that they woke up giggling at 5:45 am. Really!  I told them to go get in their bed if they were going to stay awake.  They had no desire to bail out of the big warm bed so they finally went back to sleep till 8:45. Whew. It was a long two days but a very memorable one fore the kiddos. They had a blast.  We are still finding popcorn throughout the living room despite multiple cleanings.  It is driving Chris nuts.  Oh well, that is what he gets for leaving us. Right?

We have been enjoying these cooler days. We put the pool up till next year which left a huge sand pit in the backyard that both children have thoroughly enjoyed.  I do not mind them playing in it but there is a neighbors cat that has found a way under our fence and was caught meandering in it.  If it potties in it and Chris is home, I fear for its life.  

The kids have also fallen in love with the playset again.  The slide is cool enough to slide down and Makenna and I hunted out and destroyed all unwelcome occupants.  It was nice to go out and have a swing for each child.  Makenna can swing on her own now, Emme likes to chew on her swing, and Maddax well he is a boy and just cannot sit still.  I love it.  Lots of memories made in this back yard.  The best money we ever spent.

God Hears ALL Things

The other day I was just having some random thoughts. The first was my little man sure is mature for his age.  He listens so well when I am not in the room.  Let the pruning begin.  God like to use my children to prune me and teach me many things. Well not long after this thought we were doing school at the kitchen table with Makenna.  Maddax was coloring next to us. I look up and find Maddax chomping down on a crayon. He said, "Look mom it is nauqamarine." I found myself scraping and picking out crayon from his teeth for the next 10 minutes.  We finally got his teeth cleaned and our day went on. A couple hours later Makenna was practicing the piano and when she finished playing all her songs with both hands she asked for an M&M.  I told her she could have 2 and to give Maddax 2 for going potty earlier.  I hear her in the closet and then nothing else.  I proceed to walk through the living room and see Maddax sitting on the couch facing the corner.  I really did not think anything about it until I went to get in the closet and found M&M's scattered on the floor but the container was MIA.  I looked over at Maddax again to find him shoveling M&M's in his mouth.  I could not help but chuckle. Pretty smart move for the little guy. Needless to say I have been watching him extra closely lately. 

Then I have been dealing with a stinky disposal for some time.  We really did not want to shell out the money to have it fixed so I am constantly running frozen lemons down it to make it smell better.  We tried cleaner but after a day it is back.  We generally unplug the drain and walk away.  Well I had it the other day.  I told Chris I was calling a plumber the next day if he did not.  The next morning I was doing laundry and at the end of the wash cycle the door unlock signal went off 7 times. I new something was wrong.  The blinking light said E27. It was nowhere to be found in the manual so I googled it. Needless to say ti was "door lock/ unlock" error. Duh!!  I called Bosch and they said there is no reset button and I would have to contact someone to fix it.  Chris finally called all 5 number Bosch gave us and none of them could be here for 3 days. Hello, my clothes are LOCKED in the washer.  We finally got someone to come out that afternoon.  I was so excited to see this man arrive and rescue my clothing that had now been held captive by my washer for more than 7 hours.  He told me it needed a new door lock/ unlock mechanism and it would be covered under warranty including the labor.  I just so happened to mention the disposal and he said he would take a look at it.  He was able to adjust the drainage line under the sink and then ran a cup of ice down the disposal.  It did not cost us a thing.  I was so excited.  God let my washer break (under warranty) so that this nice man would check out my disposal (no warranty).  God has a great sense of humor.

Lastly I have been having a hankering for some sewing.  Nothing major. I thought maybe a skirt for Makenna.  We were browsing the new fabric section at Wal-Mart and Makenna spotted some Princess material.  It was cute but it was almost $10 a yard. I told her not this time. then we walked past the remnant section and there it was, a princess remnant.  She begged, "mommy please." I thought $3 was worth it.  I winged the project from scratch and this is the finished product.

Needless to say she loved it and worn it 2 days in a row and asked me to wash it tonight so she could wear it again.

I have been amazed at how God has been showing himself in my life lately.  I have been asking Him to be real and I want to feel His presence in my life.  I look at all of this and think if He can have a hand in the small stuff then what big stuff can He do if I just let Him?

I am still a work in progress. Thankful God is listening and He is patient.

Yes folks I am alive (For Kim)

I have been wanting to blog for some time but either I just did not have the time or really did not feel like it. I have been battling thyroid issues again. Since the birth of Emme, my medication has been changed 5 times. She was the first baby that I ever had to have my meds adjusted during pregnancy so maybe this is all apart of that. Not really sure what that is. Needless to say I have not been feeling myself. Most of the time my meds have to be increased but over the past month I have been feeling like I did when it was hyper some 18 years ago. My hair is falling out by the handful, my wick is much much shorter, and I always feel like I am at a state of anticipation. I am stuck in "FLIGHT" mode. I do not like it and neither does my family. I have been on my knees alot not only praying but for forgiveness from my 2 and 5 year old. It is hard to get down and apologize and ask for forgiveness from them, I am the mommy. It should be the other way around. But it is not. I have lashed out wrongly and it is my duty to be responsible for my actions just like I expect them.  It is pretty humbling to look into there eyes and hear them say, "mommy I forgive you." So I finally took action. I was two weeks from getting my meds checked again but I would torture my family no longer. I made an appt and guess what? My meds were too high. I am slowing feeling the change and my family is seeing the difference.

My other issue is fear. I am a perfectionist and I worry when things are not perfect. I worry about just about everything. I cover it rather well in public but Chris and Christ know the real me. I have been dealing with this for 10 years now but it always worsens after I have a kid. Probably hormonal. My mom sent me an awesome book called, "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurand and it really opened my eyes to my fear. It is a very easy read and more driven for a younger audience but I loved it.  I learned to have to let go and let God lead you down the path He has chosen not the one I want. Things will not always go my way and at times will be painful and sad but it is all apart of letting Him be in control.  I want to be able to take my fears head on but I cannot when I loose focus.  I was reading Makenna her Bible tonight and it was the story of Jesus walking on water.  It really spoke to me even though I have heard it hundreds of times. When Peter lost focus on Jesus was when he began to sink. It was only when he kept is eyes on Jesus was he able to walk on the waves that had initially taunted him. Even greater was that the disciples were afraid of the waves on board the boat but Jesus conquered the waves.  Meaning Jesus can conquer my fears.  I know it is a long road but I am a work in progress. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:5-7  "He makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sendth rain on the just and the unjust" Matt 4:44-46  I am making small changes, slowly.  Most important I have been getting up an hour earlier to read my Bible and pray before I start my day.. I was reading a book where a man said he wanted to read and pray before breakfast to show God that his spiritual food was more important that his physical food.  I think it is doing well for me. Or should I say God is doing well within me.

On another note. Makenna started first grade 3 weeks ago. On the first day she looked at me and said, "Am I having fun yet?"  I chuckled.  One day that child will grow a filter. I hope.  Are days are pretty scheduled except for Monday when she has piano.  Lately we have been baking each day. I am showing her fractions on the measuring cups  and teaching her how to work the oven and microwave. So far we have made chocolate cupcakes with buttercream icing, chocolate chip muffins and brownies.  All homemade and from scratch.  She loves it.  She said, "Mommy I think I am the best baker in the world."  The secret is that I love it too and the bond between us is stronger than ever. It is all about turning our hearts toward our children. 

cracked her own egg!!

Her curriculum is My Father's World first grade and Saxon math first grade.  It has alot of fun activities like an ant farm, making scrolls, and planting plants.  She really likes the hands on fun over the worksheets. Chris said man I wish school was this fun when I went.  I agree.  We read in the afternoons while Emme and Maddax are napping (thank you God for Naps, at the same time). She read to me and then I read to her a chapter book and ask her questions. I have been reading her a book called, "Winter with the Moody's" by Sarah Maxwell.  She was a homeschooled child and there are alot of similarities in her book as to our days.  It also gives us ideas on new things to try.  I think I am more eager to hear the next chapter of the story that her at times.

The rest of the house is always changing as well. Chris got a detective position, Maddax conquered potty training, and Emme is rocking on all fours.  Maddax is very excited about being potty trained.  We were outside drawing on the driveway with chalks the other morning and he wanted me to trace his body.  I did as he asked and then told him to decorate it.  I turned around to his sweet little voice saying, "look I potty." He had drawn himself going pee-pee.  Makenna and I cracked up.  He is always offering up a good laugh.

I hope to be back here again soon.

outside fun

Loving this weather. The kids and I have been trying to take a walk around the neighborhood once a day to get some vitamin D and exercise. Yes, I have successfully walked around our neighborhood with three children. One strapped to my chest, one on a teddy bear leash, and another on her bicycle. I never thought this day would come and it has. I am so proud of myself. I am usually exhausted after said trip especially carrying Miss 15 pounder on my chest. Whew.

We enjoyed some time out in the sprinkler today before the storm hit. Maddax is slowly warming up to water hitting him. I think he likes to go out in the yard and play long enough to need a bath. He loves to play in the bathtub. I caught him lying on his belly in the tub slurping down the water. Yuck. I hope this does not bring on any diarrhea.

They both love playing outside. I love having a fenced in backyard so they can run wild with me knowing they are safe.  Well except for what they could possibly do to each other.  I want our next house to have a fenced in back yard as well. I have gotten pretty attached to it.

Maddax enjoyed some OJ after playing outside while waiting for his turn in the tub.

Miss Emme liked lying on the floor.  She was just singing up a storm while hanging out there. I love listening to her talk.

Makenna requested pancakes for dinner. She ate three and Maddax ate two. Totally one pancake kids but I guess the sprinkler worked up a hunger. Then Makenna and I had a movie night. We eat and drink things that are really bad for you and enjoy an movie or two short cartoons. Her pick was Little Einstein tonight. Cute and educational. She knows what pianissimo is. He piano teacher would be pleased thanks to Leo, June, Quincy, and Annie. Oh and don't forget rocket.  She loves it when her and I do something with just the two of us. Me too. We finished up the night with her daily Bible story. She said, "Mom, can you read me the story about when God died."  I had to chuckle.  Oh baby, our God is not dead. He is alive!!!

God's Grace

Had an epiphany tonight. Makenna and I were reading her Bible and it was talking about God's grace. It said the meaning of grace was that God will always forgive you for what you have done wrong as long as you go to Him and ask for it. It made me step back and take a hard look at my parenting.

Makenna has pillows on her bed that my mom made that have strings on the bottom that tie it together. She for some reason is drawn to these pillows at rest time.  She somehow someway ends up undoing them. I get so frustrated with her about it that she now gets a consequence for undoing them. Now in the light of eternity this truly does not matter. It is the lesson of obeying. I get that, but what I do not get is that my attitude toward it does not show grace. She comes and asks for forgiveness and I remembering that this is a continued occurrence get frustrated with her yet again. Isn't it amazing that our Heavenly father does not get frustrated with us when we go to him for forgiveness again and again. I think about things that I struggle with and that I constantly stumble over trying to obey God. And every time he is so quick to forgive me and then the Bible says he forgets it like it never happened. I sit and think why can't I be like that.  Why? I am human in an imperfect world filled with sin. It is interesting how much you can learn from a children's Bible, not to mention the child you are reading it to. Thank you Makenna for always showing me the grace I do not deserve.

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's day just gets better every year. Now I have three beautiful babies to help me celebrate this day and one wonderful husband. Chris had to work Derby security that morning for some big to do party, so we did not get to see him till after nap times.  Makenna kept telling me daddy was taking me out to eat. I asked her where and she said "Marks Field." Which means "Marks feed store." I was glad. I love, love, love fried pickles. No I am not pregnant again. I found out later that Makenna chose the dining location. She loves their PBand J minus the J. Strange child does not like jelly. We had a good dinner together. The poor family behind us in the booth had two children about 6 and 3 and both of them spilt their water, all their water, while we were there. Chris said, "Man I thought we had it rough going out with 3." It is a little hard to dine out with three small children but we have learned to let the little things roll off our backs and just enjoy our time together. The biggest problem is that Miss Emme is not fond of her car seat, so most meals out include either Chris or I holding her. I do not mind, I know it is only for a season. One day I will wish I was able to hold her during a meal again, so I might as well enjoy it now. Right?

Chris had planned on a trip to Lowe's but that was usurped by my headache, so we came home and just hung out. As I have mentioned before, Emme likes to be talked to but likes it most when it is her daddy.

She will sit and listen or even carry on  a conversation for 10-15 minutes with him. She sure does love her daddy. We all do. He is a great daddy.

Last week we were having cabin fever because of the rain so I went and got out Emme's bathing suit to see if it would fit her. I was hankering for some sun and water activities. It fit but not sure how long. She looks so ready for summer. I hope she enjoys the water as much as her siblings.

After trying on the bathing suit and posing for the camera, Emme and Makenna were playing in the floor. I think Emme wants to do gymnastics. She seems to be practicing her back bend.

It was a great Mother's day. The best part was spending it all together.  I only wish that my mom was here to celebrate it too. Oh well have to do some extra trips to Graters to celebrate all the holidays since her last visit when she comes in to visit next month.